When he wants to – he can show a side that’s very loving, charming and endearing. He can show you that you’re the only person who matters at that moment, and give into you completely – physically and mentally. I’ve seen that side of him and experienced it! Then he starts to slip away, he gets bored and he shuts down.

Last night, I finally saw him for the first time in over a month. Half the things I wanted to say to him – didn’t even come out – I was just happy to see him again, and hoping he was happy to be with me as well.

I made my visit short, but not too short… I was satisfied that I saw him, satisfied that he wanted me in his bed, more than satisfied with his tongue teasing my clit and sucking it enough to make me quiver, fantastically satisfied that his thick cock was inside of me. I made sure however, that I didn't over stay my welcome.

This morning I woke up in my own bed, thirsty and horny, wanting to wrap my mouth around his cock and suck him with long and slow motions until he lets go.

After that night--he kept me around for another year because he had no idea what to do with me, and could not make a decision even if he tried. Well, perhaps that night he tried, then he just didn't care.

Yes, I'm watching The Godfather again! It’s the only movie that I’ll watch in its entirety without my mind wandering somewhere else and on someone else… tonight, I really need the distraction.. actualy a good nite's sleep would be great - but I'll settle for this distraction!

Okay, one question about The Godfather is this; Michael goes to Italy to hide after killing the police chief and the head of the other family. He's there long enough to meet the Italian chick – APOLLONIA and marry her, yet at their wedding he still has a black eye. Where did the black eye come from? It's been quite some time since he was beaten up by the police chief. How long does it take him to heal? After he finds out Sonny is dead and has to come home, he STILL has the black eye. Maybe he should see a physician.

One more…, why does Connie look so dumb when she's pregnant? No one in the history of the world has ever looked that ridiculous when they were pregnant. She has this little tiny stick body and this bizarre looking belly. She looks like she's carrying around a bowling ball.

A have several more… but I won’t bother… why question a classic?

Seriously, this is definitely one of the best movies ever made. I only watch I and II, I refuse to watch any of the ridiculousness that occurs in the rest of the movies.

Fantastic Voyage is a classic of science fiction from 1966. The film was originally introduced to me when I was about 8 years old or so, probably on a Sunday afternoon and it quickly became a favorite of mine… and oddly, it still is... for a Sunday afternoon movie!

This film tells the story of a brilliant scientist who is attacked by assassins and injured on his way to offer the U.S. military some much needed information for miniaturizing people. The cast includes; Stephen Boyd, Edmond O'Brien, Donald Pleasence and Raquel Welch, as the medical Dr.'s and scientists that are miniaturized and injected into the scientists body in an effort to repair an inoperable blood clot. Once entering the body, they must make their way through canals and vital organs and do it before they return to normal size. Raquel Welch fans may be disappointed that she remains fully clothed the entire movie, though her skin-tight outfit aboard the sub may leave them somewhat satisfied (Oh, Racquel Welch gets attacked by loads of anti-bodies and the entire male crew has to pull all the bits off her wetsuit… hehe!).

The scenes that take place inside the body are memorable and very much of their time, as they fit in quite well with the psychedelic looks of the era; in particular, the blue blood cells turn red inside the capillaries, and I also love all those soap bubbles, slimy antibodies, and blood plasma that resembles the inside of a lava lamp. It also seems to take place in fairly close to real time; once the crew is reduced in size, they have sixty minutes to complete their mission, which comes fairly close to matching the amount of time left in the movie.

I headed out to Cherry Beach this afternoon, it was drizzling and yuckie out, but I found a new liking to sitting with a blanket, a huge umbrella and sipping a hot latte on the beach!

No one around, just me and my bullshit!!

Oh, and I played with the most adorable puppy while his owner had to tend to a phone call.

Forget about weapons... words can hurt just as much! When someone who keeps his feelings closed up tight inside finally bursts... sadly, what comes out isn't how much he loves you, it's how much he doesn't even care!
(EDIT: And NO, I'm NOT saying that when ending a relationship to tell them "you've always loved her/him"... especially, when you've never said it before that moment - trust me, it doesn't make it any easier!!)

Yes, I love him, thru the good and especially the bad and the ugly. But I know that you can't hold on to someone that doesn't want to be held and more so, doesn't want to hold on to you!

This is my life!

Why is it so damn hard to fall asleep when I want to? My body is exhausted, I’m sleepy, yet I just lay awake in my bed for hours at that "almost asleep" phase. My mind doesn’t even wander like it used to, it is just blank and empty, aside from the random song that jumps into it and goes on repeat. Someone needs to hit me over the head or something.

I’ve been thinking more and more of just going away and disappearing for awhile… it’s become more and more apparent that my presence is just annoying to some… you know when you get that "oh, fuck it’s her again!" feeling. I guess the more you try not to be a pain, the more you do become one.

I’ll renew my passport next week... I’d like to fly someheres - even though it could just be a short flight… it feels like your going so far away when boarding a plane. Actually, I’ve always wanted to fly in a helicopter, so maybe I’ll head to Montreal and ask my cousin if he’d take me for a ride in one. But, I’d like to also experience New York, Manhattan mostly… just walk around and maybe shop… even if it’s just for a "I luv New York" t-shirt! I just want to do something more than just going to work! Now that I think about it, I guess that’s why I like volunteering to do favours for others – it just breaks up the monotony that has become my life.

A friend told me recently that I'm too easy.... no that "easy"... that it doesn't take much to make me excited (ok, this isn't sounding too good). Meaning, that I should be more of a bitch - that I over value small gestures. But that's just me... I can't / won't change that.. I realize that I'm taken for granted most times because of this, but at least no one can call me a BITCH! (P.S. I slapped a man once because he called me that... and I'd do it again!)

That's it for now... more later... stay tuned!

This is the type of humour that really makes my day… especially when it’s gray and rainy out! A bit of background… with mostly women in the office, we tend to “help-out” the fashion challenged men that frequently visit the office. A Fashion INTERVENTION was needed for THIS guy!!!

It has been requested that a cease and desist be put in place in regards to his Eyetalian barber Dominic (flat top, square back) as he is consistently putting Bryan on the Worst Dressed List for Board of Directors.

I will have a couple of ensembles put together for you for your next visit. Please answer the following questions in order to give me a better sense of WHO YOU ARE:

1. What is your suit size/shirt size and pant size?
I am not sure but is “f’in’ huge” a size. Pre - kids 42 XL 34, post kids 44, XL 36 (sometimes 38, shhh.)

2. How do you feel about letting your hair grow to shoulder length?
I spend a lot of long trips in the bush with other men, not too keen about long hair.

3. What season are you?
It looks like spring in Durham, what about in Toronto?

4. Do you prefer a more dramatic or understated look?
Me understated, are you drinking…

5. Would you describe yourself as more of a tiger or puppy dog?
More like a blow fish, quiet and innocent looking, but balloon up and become a prick when under pressure.

6. How does the colour red make you feel?
Mad or like a commie, neither is good.

7. When do you feel at your best in the day: morning, afternoon or evening?
Definitely a night time guy.

8. Do you prefer swimming or biking?
Sitting!

9. Are you outdoorsy or indoorsy?
Well I don’t exactly shoot animals in my living room!

10. What vegetable best describes you?
What are these vegetable things you speak of??? Just kidding I am not that much of a redneck…my favorite vegetable is PORK.

I had 5 members of my family sing Happy Birthday over the phone... it was so funny...hearing two uncles in the background with an Italian accent singing! It was sweet, and I truely have a fantastic family that I adore!

However, no matter how many Happy Birthday phone calls you receive from family and friends... it really doesn't mean anything if the one phone call that you were really waiting for never happens.

I had a few Martini's tonight, and I'll have a huge headache tomorrow morning!

EDIT: He sent me a dozen beautiful roses at work!! As they say.. better late than never.. and I'm happy it's late!

Income Tax Refund coming my wayyyyyy!!!!! :)