To be continued...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Better to communicate this way until my email is up and running again! GRIN
Yeah, I am not the phone-slammer type. And while I have been known to yell, it’s always been in privacy. Never in front of people, and never in public. I’m not a big believer in hanging my dirty laundry out to dry. I do jealously guard my home life and try to keep it separate as much as possible from my work life. I don’t like the feeling that I don’t have a place to escape to from either work or home (whichever is bugging me at the time). I also don’t air out my problems while I am at work, because then people at work get a distorted sense of why you are in a relationship in the first place or what the hell is her problem. It’s hard to explain the things that keep you attached to someone. It’s little things like using nicknames, or starting into a sentence without having to give background, or knowing your partner’s habits so well, you can predict how they are going to react, or know what they are going to do. There’s a certain security about that. I would be always worried that that kind of domestic security would be swept out from under me by some calamitous even... and it has been. And so, I enjoyed the moments I had, even though some of the feelings I had were tough to work through....
My singlehoodom isn’t always all fun and games. A lot of confusion, and a lot of foiled expectations, a lot of living out a script that you feel you did not write (i.e. following impossible, unrequited loves, but you follow them nonetheless, like a computer program follows its own internal logic). It’s tiring to do all of that soul-searching following each and every romantic spark or physical connection (“Is he the one? What am I prepared to live with? Do they lile me in the same way I like them? What are we using each other for? What’s not quite right about the way we made love last night? How long should I wait to call after our first meeting?” etc. etc.). That’s all very nerve-wracking and heady stuff. On the one hand, being single can allow you to feel liberated, as opposed to feeling sad, when letting go of those relationships that make you feel bad about yourself, because there isn’t as much invested in them (not like you have to split property, custody, etc.) And it can be exhilarating to just have a sensual experience and be answerable to no one about it, to not have to account for your whereabouts, or “be responsible” and above reproach in all of your relationships with people outside the context of your love nest. But the older I get, the more I realize that I suck at being by myself. I keep thinking: I am more like a gerbil every day, in the sense that gerbils die of loneliness. Damn our culture of coupledom!
Yeah, I am not the phone-slammer type. And while I have been known to yell, it’s always been in privacy. Never in front of people, and never in public. I’m not a big believer in hanging my dirty laundry out to dry. I do jealously guard my home life and try to keep it separate as much as possible from my work life. I don’t like the feeling that I don’t have a place to escape to from either work or home (whichever is bugging me at the time). I also don’t air out my problems while I am at work, because then people at work get a distorted sense of why you are in a relationship in the first place or what the hell is her problem. It’s hard to explain the things that keep you attached to someone. It’s little things like using nicknames, or starting into a sentence without having to give background, or knowing your partner’s habits so well, you can predict how they are going to react, or know what they are going to do. There’s a certain security about that. I would be always worried that that kind of domestic security would be swept out from under me by some calamitous even... and it has been. And so, I enjoyed the moments I had, even though some of the feelings I had were tough to work through....
My singlehoodom isn’t always all fun and games. A lot of confusion, and a lot of foiled expectations, a lot of living out a script that you feel you did not write (i.e. following impossible, unrequited loves, but you follow them nonetheless, like a computer program follows its own internal logic). It’s tiring to do all of that soul-searching following each and every romantic spark or physical connection (“Is he the one? What am I prepared to live with? Do they lile me in the same way I like them? What are we using each other for? What’s not quite right about the way we made love last night? How long should I wait to call after our first meeting?” etc. etc.). That’s all very nerve-wracking and heady stuff. On the one hand, being single can allow you to feel liberated, as opposed to feeling sad, when letting go of those relationships that make you feel bad about yourself, because there isn’t as much invested in them (not like you have to split property, custody, etc.) And it can be exhilarating to just have a sensual experience and be answerable to no one about it, to not have to account for your whereabouts, or “be responsible” and above reproach in all of your relationships with people outside the context of your love nest. But the older I get, the more I realize that I suck at being by myself. I keep thinking: I am more like a gerbil every day, in the sense that gerbils die of loneliness. Damn our culture of coupledom!
Posted by: wop71 @ 11:53 AM 
I won’t even get into the other “benefits” of married life.... Suffice to say, be careful about thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It isn’t. And by that logic, I would say I do not envy anyone being single these days. I am no Adam Giambrone, no matter how much I might envy his s*x addiction. No, I have been in enough relationships to know that there is no inherent virtue in being either single or in a couple. All have benefits, all have drawbacks..... In the words of too many sports cliché-spinners these days, “It is what it is.”
You made me think of my cousin. He’s 48, a pilot, and what I would consider – tall, dark and handsome! He is single and prefers to stay that way. When I asked him why he doesn’t live with or marry someone... his reply – I date beautiful and intelligent women, but I am only willing to give them “half my time”, the other half is for me. Women seem to want over time “all of my time”. Can’t they just be happy with half of it?
I can see his point of view, although it's not completely where I myself am coming from.
But yes, his fundamental point I agree with, as expressed using the following metaphor: If I totally immerse myself 100% in water, it will feel cool, refreshing, sensual and cleansing for the first minute. But stay immersed for more than five minutes without an artificial breathing apparatus and you will suffocate, lose your own sense of consciousness, and die. The point? In a relationship, it's hard to immerse your sense of identity completely in that of another person. That's why a good relationship will contain periods in which you are lonely, as you have "time to yourself." Nothing wrong with that. I guess where I part company with your cousin is that I do think, in a functioning and healthy relationship, that you can have that time to yourself without necessarily having to be single to do it. Having said that, if you act "single" during your time to yourself, will your partner forgive that, or will your relationship be able to withstand that? I suspect most wouldn't.
No, acting "single" during "your" time will not be tolerated! I think my cousin however, just enjoys some alone time to golf and such and not necessarily act single.
My opinion - Lars and the Real Girl movie would be ideal for men.
Then again, I think she dies at the end... proves the point that there is no real such girl/relationship!
I will remain the way I am and you my friend, should remain married.
So, an anatomically-correct doll would be the answer?
For some, yes.
I think those would end all wars as well. We would only have to work on the religion thing!
Well, the priests get young boy blow-up dolls....
And the nuns, well... ? What do they need?
Energizer batteries!
Spoken like a true nun...I mean Angel!
That’s me! Angelic like...with HORNS! WINK
Horns in all the right places. WINK back
EVIL GRIN.
When are you joining me for lunch or a glass vino?
When you ask me for a date, and When I can justify going out with a single hot babe and come home to my wife and kids with alcohol on my breath!
Seriously, we need to do another lunch soon.
I laughed at your "connection" comment. It explains why, when I think of you, I get hungry and think of being fed in a cage.
Darling, the only clothing that I will be stripping off for you sensually will be my coat and scarf! GRIN
Bring wifie along - it will be a hoot!
You have to like the fact that I didn’t go for the stale “Horny”-type jokes so far. Oops! D*mn! I just did, didn’t I?
I saw the FB photo's of you at the hockey game last week...right in behind the Leaf's bench - awesome seats and you look beautiful! Wish I could have been there. Steve told me you all had a good time.
And THEY WON that game! HAHA!
Did you see the photo of the guy sitting across from Kristin and I? He's doesn't know it yet - but I will be having his 5 children within the next 2 years.
Told you I was angel with horns!
I very much doubt that you're evil!
You're absolutely right.. I'm not! I'm probably the most understanding and stupidly patient woman you will ever meet.
Are you online?
If I was asked to choreograph the word 'embarrassment,' I would have come up with this opening to the Vancouver Olympic Winter Games. Like seriously, where was the interpretive dance for Ontario and Quebec -- i.e. where all the people live?
I think the news footage of the Georgian luge athlete who died after hitting those unacceptably-exposed iron bars on the course was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.
It's a good thing I watched those airy-faerie opening ceremonies BEFORE I saw the news footage of the luge guy dying. Otherwise, that lame-ass presentation would have just intensified the gloom and pall I feel right now. Any idiot risk manager should have been able to see that exposed steel pillars just inches above the track, when you combine that with the notion that Whistler has the fastest track in the world (and that the best luger in the world crashed on the course just one day earlier, after losing control of his luge), would lead to a serious accident. And what's with Canada being able to restrict how often so-called "foreigners" can practice on that Deathtrap? That kind of bullshit should be legislated out of existence in a very short order...
I'm now cheering for Georgia to take home a gold medal.
Those Ice Penises were funny though. One of them experienced failure to launch - perhaps it needed the little blue pill!
Liza thought the same thing!
Happy Valentines Day darlin'. We celebrated last night by going to see Clooney's Up in the Air, which I thought was a great movie that resisted the Hollywood cliche ending. The movie says a lot about the drive toward human companionship, even though Clooney's character is a Type-A commitment-phobe.
Hope you have a good evening!
ummm... I must mention that I read a few of your posts. I was lucky enough to be alone this afternoon because my other male brain was standing at attention for you.
You certainly are quite the sex kitten.
All this for one guy?
I guess I've shattered your image of me! SMILE
And yes, all for one.
Well Babe, when you’re feeling like turning that frown upside down, there’s nothing like going to an insane writer for a huge imagination to get a shot of pick-me-up....
When I’m in a funk, I find it helps to imagine myself with a hot chick (beefcake, in your world) on a white sandy beach in Cuba, drinking pinas and just kind of listening to the surf and the birds (and ignoring the homeless kids coming up to you to offer the gringos some Chicklets).
Ok, I'm getting the visual...hmmm.
Is it good? No point of visualizing if it isn’t. Not trying to increase the stress level.....
The tinkling of ice against the side of the glass may act as your lullaby..... The surf crashing in and tickling your toes..... The heat against your neck, arms and legs.....
It’s a good visual. But the phone keeps on ringing and interrupts the ‘beefcakes’ walking by!
Yes, pesky phone calls and interviews are a nuisance. Guess there's no choice but for us to meet at the airport in three hours and escape it all....
Are you bringing your Speedo?
I think the issue is that I need to get some (you know what I mean). That always gets me happy!
for reasons impossible to explain right now, I can completely empathize with your situation.
and, if I had met you earlier in my life, I would have jumped at the chance to resolve your "issue". But I didn't and now Liza's got squatter's rights. Alas she is holding me to monogamy.
Hey, and why is a hottie like you going without? With your looks and brains, you could have your pick of guys.
1st and for the record - I would never fool around with a married guy or a guy with a significant other/girlfriend or whatever.
I'm glad to hear however, you are a loyal and faithful husband. Warms my heart.
Let me add that if you were NOT married - I'd be asking you out on a "date" - my kind of date! EVIL GRIN
So you are safe with me!
Well, I am glad to have gotten that out of the way, because I am no Adam Giambrone, nor do I aspire to be.
By the way, just to be clear, my comment was also based on the understanding that we were living in a fantastical world, not a real one. You, too, are safe with me. We do share an understanding on that score...
But i will also add - that your steamy sex writings on this blog are HOT!
The logic of someone leaving YOu is questionable.
Thanks, for the kind words, but I'm not perfect, as I'm sure you think I am!
What the hell, FRANCE has won more medals than Canada??!! I can understand how the US has won more - because they are all on steroids. The Germans, well they are giants, huge people… must be in the water they drink. But explain France? The only thing France should win medals for are pastries and salmon coloured tight-fitting dress shirts!
And don't forget the wines and croissants. They deserve a medal for wine and croissants. As for the other things you said, the Germans win because they are all men (including the women) and I didn't catch the stuff you said about the Americans because our lesbian hockey team can take their lesbian hockey team any day. Right now, I'm watching our Canadian womens hockey team rape, pillage and plunder Sweden's team 12-0 after two periods. That must have cost a lot, importing those pylons all the way from Sweden for the Canadian team's practice session.
Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I'm glad we can talk about all of the stuff that we talk about. You're a real find.
And thanks for not dispensing advice on how to “solve” the situation. That’s a guy thing. Much of what we rant about is a “human condition” kind of thing. It can’t be solved (without screwing something else up further down the line: I’m a big believer in the Law of Unintended Consequences)....
You have my ear when you need it, and it was FUN to listen to you and the ideas.
and hey, the friendship gives longevity to the fun, because friends forgive one another for being human.....
And may I just say that you will one day find this with another guy, and that will suck, because then he will be distracting you from your work instead of me.....
His loss I guess, because I could have been licking him instead of my wounds.
And yes, I know, I will have my pickings of guys soon enough.
Hello my muse....
You abandoning me to my fate this evening?
Abandon you? NEVER!
Sorry, I though you had more important stuff to do than me. Pamdumpum!!
Nothing (or nobody) is more important to do than you
you didn’t send along your resume over last night. Was that story your resume...? ;)
Good luck on your performance review...... You won’t need it.
I remembered that I wanted to send it to you this morning. If you still don’t mind – I’ll send it to you this evening.
I’m confident in what I do and can present it in that manner, just not sure if the sell will be heard. If not, then I know where I stand here.
Funny, I can plan, implement & manage anything from conventions, to meetings, speakers, entertainment, etc., but ask me to plan something for myself – can’t do it! Hotels managers have asked me if I could train their other clients on how it should be done.
Doesn’t surprise me. Like the cobbler’s kids going without shoes. Or like Ecuadoreans drinking instant coffee when their primary export is coffee beans.
Or like me never writing the novel I want to write when I get home and blowing my free time at home in games, TV or reading. If you really, really like something, don’t make money from it. The machinery of having to repeat using your skills over and over again will sap all of your creativity in no time....
Nothing or nobody is more important than me.... damn - you know how to put me in a good mood!
So you may have to wait a week longer for lunch... I can put you in a better mood!
and sorry, I won’t be able to take as long as I would like. Still, it’s something.....
No problem, I understand, whatever works for you... on this - I'm easy.
I have a level head when not inebriated!
Yes, that’s why I like you so very much. And I like the fact that you are like me and lose your mind when inebriated....
I’ve been told that I get uncoordinated and philosophical...
Fantastic, we’ll make a great team! You being all philosophical and me laughing at all that you’re saying…
Oh, and there must be food close by - I get really hungry!
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I suspect you may not be laughing when I spill my drink all over you, as happens when I get uncoordinated. I remember my friend Rob laughing at the cottage once when I spilled a glass of milk in my lap. He was stoned, so he found it all rather humorous....
What kind of food?
Perhaps not, depends what I’m wearing... but feel free to spill on yourself.
Don’t wear anything...
you’d rather not see covered in red wine then!
Do you prefer fine cuisine when you are drunk?
I think I'll be wearing clothes, thanks for the suggestion.
And anything from a can is good with me. I'm not picky.
You know, my darling friend, if I didn't know better, I would say you are employing your resourcefulness in ways that are perhaps unconsciously causing you to find failure in a relationship. I say this with the old maxim in mind: Seek, and Ye Shall Find. If you are looking for ways that a relationship can fall apart (or that a person is somehow not what they appear to be), you will always find evidence of what you seek. That's because your mind, in looking for these things, is already predisposed to finding evidence of what you already believe to be true. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. In a way, I'm happy that I'm not attainable for you: if I was, you would be finding out what's wrong with me (why shouldn't I date this guy?), and you would find lots of evidence not to get close to me or trust me, because I am just as flawed as the guy standing next to me. You would find a million skeletons in my closet. And if you did, you would probably ditch us before we ever had a chance. So be careful, my darlin', sometimes in married life, ignorance really is bliss.
Glad we cleared up a few things, and I hope you now know that I "seek" nothing.
Skeletons are Ok with me as long as they stay in the closet! Now you know pretty much all of mine and I'm glad to say they will stay as skeletons because I have grown (for better or for worse). I never said I was perfect, nor do i pretend to be.
I respect guys that are upfront and lay it all out there for me to be the judge, and more so that they have grown and learned from their past and will not be repeated.
You are indeed a snake charmer!
Hey, just coming up for air.
I've locked myself up at home, just me, the March Cover Story and my laptop. I have a draft written (3,400 words in just 5-1/2 hours: not bad.) Now I have to get something to eat, come back and write more.
I tell you, writing Cover Stories is nerve-wracking. It is just such an immense release to transfer all of those thoughts onto a page, it's better than s*x. Maybe I should go upstairs and sleep. Nope. Can't. But seriously, I feel like this enormous burden has been lifted and now I can be a human being again. Well, at least, maybe after next week, when the March issue goes to press. Alas, I don't have my work wife with me, to make sure I don't screw up, so I will actually have to pay attention. No whammies, no whammies.....
and... I don't suppose you caught any of those Manitoba teachers' naughty pole dance on YouTube?
I haven't either, but it sounded kind of raunchy for their nine-year-old students. (I read about it in the Globe and Mail).
Ah, the marvels of cell phone cameras. Everyone is a
voyeur/journalist/sheriff's deputy now.....
No I didn't. Unfortunately, we live in a world that Big Brother is
always watching.
Whew, good thing my pole dancing hasn't turn up anywhere on You Tube!
You pole dance?
Long story, an ex long ago was a DJ at a strip club in Oakville, I think the club was called Bunnies... or Fantasia. Anyways, his best friend was a bouncer and the girlfriend
was a stripper. Anyhow, you could say she caught me a few things.
And what did you 'catch' from her? Your unintentional typos are
hilarious!
Oh my, that is funny!
That's me...Typo Queen!
And so what kind of audience did your performance command? Full house,
or private members only?
Ah... no, didn't perform to anyone. She showed me how when the place was
closed.
Have not tried in years,... that was during my university years... I
would probably break my nip if I even tried now. Although, it was great exercise... and it should have been included as a Olympic sport!!!
Can nips break?
It certainly would add a new dimension to the slogan “Own the podium.”
Sorry, my typing is getting worse.
And nips can crack, not break.
That’s why you have to look after them with lots of moisturizing agents....
Only happens when breast feeding...
Or when feeding children.....
I wouldn’t know the children part of it...
An inexpensive form of augmentation, although somewhat costly on the emotional level, I am told.....
I heard on the drive in this morning that HST will be add to augmentation as well. I don't think I'll have mine done before the tax is applied.
Not to worry. I wouldn’t waste any money on that. What’s natural is always better, I say....
...plus I’ve heard that tampering reduces sensitivity, and that’s never a good thing.....
I’ve heard the same.
And I'm nervous that my nipple would end up where my belly button is.
For the most part, yes.
Catch me on my BB, I have to switch to my laptop soon. I would like to ask you a few probing questions...
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