Making the right decision, or shooting myself in the foot?
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I am sending this email, as the past several weeks have been extremely difficult for me, and knowing that you may back out of plans for Saturday, I felt it necessary to send this email to you.
This is the hardest decision I've ever written, as I'm going against every fibre in my body and am now making the decision for you. I have no doubt this is what you've been waiting for, and for that reason, and to have peace of mind and some sleep, I am saying goodbye.
I know in my heart the decision has already been made by you. I wish you nothing but happiness. Please know that my feelings were genuine and I did (do) love you, but I cannot wait anymore for you to decide that being in a relationship is too much for you to handle... or more truthfully, being with me.
My biggest heart break is that you never asked me about my feelings. I only wanted a "bone", not a ring! That is, a reassuring feeling that when things got tough for you, we were still good... that I was not a HINDERANCE, but someone you could count on no matter what! I thought that you saw that in my personality.
Take care of yourself,
P.S. There's so much more I wanted to say to you, but in the end, does it really matter?
This is the hardest decision I've ever written, as I'm going against every fibre in my body and am now making the decision for you. I have no doubt this is what you've been waiting for, and for that reason, and to have peace of mind and some sleep, I am saying goodbye.
I know in my heart the decision has already been made by you. I wish you nothing but happiness. Please know that my feelings were genuine and I did (do) love you, but I cannot wait anymore for you to decide that being in a relationship is too much for you to handle... or more truthfully, being with me.
My biggest heart break is that you never asked me about my feelings. I only wanted a "bone", not a ring! That is, a reassuring feeling that when things got tough for you, we were still good... that I was not a HINDERANCE, but someone you could count on no matter what! I thought that you saw that in my personality.
Take care of yourself,
P.S. There's so much more I wanted to say to you, but in the end, does it really matter?
Fast Forgiveness... I wish it was THIS EASY!
Friday, February 18, 2005
Absolution 20 cents... yah, RIGHT!
Went to do something to other day... something I haven't done in a LONG time.... I walked into a CHURCH!
I asked the lady in the administration office to unlock the door for me... I was alone and had some with the BIG guy. I cried my eyes out as soon as I walked in.
There's a lot of shit I wanted to deal with, and I think I've started... slowly.
Killing Me Softly
Monday, February 14, 2005
Emotionally, I'm DEAD!!
I have to let go of someone I love and I REALLY DON'T want to, however, it's clear that he can't make up his mind... or truthfully, he doesn't want me around and can't come to saying it. I just wish he'd realized that I always loved seeing him and the only thing I wanted from him was a "bone" - not a ring!! In other words, just to know that (in his own way) he still loved me. :( I guess I always ask for too much!
So here I am... alone again. I DID'NT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN!! But, it seems that I let it happen twice!! I AM SOOOO STUPID!!
It's killing me inside...
I have to let go of someone I love and I REALLY DON'T want to, however, it's clear that he can't make up his mind... or truthfully, he doesn't want me around and can't come to saying it. I just wish he'd realized that I always loved seeing him and the only thing I wanted from him was a "bone" - not a ring!! In other words, just to know that (in his own way) he still loved me. :( I guess I always ask for too much!
So here I am... alone again. I DID'NT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN!! But, it seems that I let it happen twice!! I AM SOOOO STUPID!!
It's killing me inside...