Stupid Commercial
Friday, April 29, 2005
The commercial for an unknown tampon (you see how effective these are at brand name retention - they should go back to using jingles, honestly. But can you imagine having a tampon jingle stuck in your head? Shudder.) Unless I hallucinated this, the Unknown Tampon was shown blooming. F*cking BLOOMING.
Okay, it may look like a flower, but anything made out of absorbent material that is shoved up a menstruating vagina does NOT bloom. NO. IT DOES NOT, Mr. Weirdo Perv Advertising Person! Not even if you use those aromatherapy puss-chouli, labiander, allhole-vera floral toilet-water scented ones! Not unless you are on the brown acid-! The vagina does NOT flower, bear fruit, or become fragrant or attractive in any way during this "special" time. If you are male, or a preadolescent female, or a mighty hermaphrodite, well...
You do not want to know what happens to it.
Have a favorite? You'll probably find it here: http://infomercial.tvheaven.com/rejuvenique.htm
Mine is REJUVENIQUE, a shocking face mask which, well, shocks you into looking younger. I wonder if it can give you that deer-caught-in-headlights-look? I much prefer IT to the I'm-a-bored-stupid-rich-charm-free-slut-on-a-cell-phone look which is so "hot"!
Okay, it may look like a flower, but anything made out of absorbent material that is shoved up a menstruating vagina does NOT bloom. NO. IT DOES NOT, Mr. Weirdo Perv Advertising Person! Not even if you use those aromatherapy puss-chouli, labiander, allhole-vera floral toilet-water scented ones! Not unless you are on the brown acid-! The vagina does NOT flower, bear fruit, or become fragrant or attractive in any way during this "special" time. If you are male, or a preadolescent female, or a mighty hermaphrodite, well...
You do not want to know what happens to it.
Have a favorite? You'll probably find it here: http://infomercial.tvheaven.com/rejuvenique.htm
Mine is REJUVENIQUE, a shocking face mask which, well, shocks you into looking younger. I wonder if it can give you that deer-caught-in-headlights-look? I much prefer IT to the I'm-a-bored-stupid-rich-charm-free-slut-on-a-cell-phone look which is so "hot"!
BILL-LEH!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Billy Idol was at an autograph session at Sam the Record Man yesterday and I missed it!! SHIT I MISSED IT!! A flash from the past... seeing Billy Idol on the news reminded me of an EX who looks ALOT like him... and... well, he was an asshole as well.
Below is a partial interview that aired last night on the news…. Although he’s looking a lot older - his rebel attitude hasn’t changed much even though he reported that he’s been playing daddy to his 2 kids and playing smaller gigs across Europe.
So what does he think when he looks back on some of his previous hits, like "Dancing with Myself?"
"Well, of course it was my big entry into America with "Dancing with Myself." So oh, it was massive, yeah, just the change of continents and then, yeah, set me on the path to coming to Canada and everything".
"O.K., how about "Flesh for Fantasy"?
"Well, it's a song about (censored).
"Uh, "Hot In The City"?
"(Censored)"
"White Wedding"?
"Yeah, that (censored) as well, yeah.
"We’ll try this one last time. "Rebel Yell".
"One on one relationships, and...(censored)… shagging each other to death like I'd like to be shagged in Toronto right now!"
"Well, you’ve got to give him credit for one thing. The man born William Board may have changed his tune, but not his attitude. And it seems his fans wouldn’t have it any other way."
Subtle Rant :\
Sunday, April 10, 2005
I usually don’t like the "girlie" stuff, my best friend that I grew up with was, and still is, a tom boy and I kinda grew up that way as well. I really don’t care for flowers, I just think it’s a waste of money and the aroma reminds me of being at a funeral home… so really what’s the point. However, there are times when it would have been soooo nice to be put on a pedestal… not to be "one of the guys", but to be spoiled in a girlie way, should I dare say it… to be QUEEN for a day! I do spoil myself; if I want to go for a massage - I do it, if I want to go shopping for clothes - I buy what I want etc… But, being surprised with things that make you say "awwwwww, you shouldn’t have"…. while muttering "I’m glad you did!" would be great, I guess.
Where is this subtle rant coming from? A girlfriend asked what I did for my birthday, and she chuckled and gave me that "Ohhhh, that’s it?" That hurt! I’ll admit it wasn’t what I expected, but I didn’t expect much… however, what I DID expect was my family to have a birthday cake for me, and well maybe... my boyfriend too! Just thought someone would make some sort of special day of it.
Next year, I’m going on a trip somewhere!
Where is this subtle rant coming from? A girlfriend asked what I did for my birthday, and she chuckled and gave me that "Ohhhh, that’s it?" That hurt! I’ll admit it wasn’t what I expected, but I didn’t expect much… however, what I DID expect was my family to have a birthday cake for me, and well maybe... my boyfriend too! Just thought someone would make some sort of special day of it.
Next year, I’m going on a trip somewhere!
REVISED! I'm 33.99 years old TODAY, and TOMORROW I'll be 34!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Holy shit there's a lot I want to do!
Since everyone is pretty much pissed off with me this entire week, I'm guessing I will be spoiling myself...
What I've been trying to do for the past few months is make myself take a step back from all my initial emotional responses and then ask myself, "Does this REALLY matter to me, or affect me in any meaningful way?" I now find myself more able to deal with new stresses. For me, the main problem was anger and regret. This kind of purposeful turning down of psychic volume may seem selfish at first, but it's more about letting things move through you than trying to deny reality. If someone insults me, it doesn't faze me too much, as there are only a couple of opinions that matter to me, and being able to recognize that some schmuck is trying to get a rise out of me allows me to slide off their comments. From a long-range perspective, this also helps when looking at motives of others.
As far as esteem, I'm not sure how to explain it, but the core of it is the elimination of ego. Not only does it help alleviate the situations I mentioned in the above paragraph, but it also allows you to face your own limitations calmly. I know that I'm not going to change to course of history or be an international superstar; likewise, the actions of my life will be insignificant to the greater events forged by the sum of our work. Knowing that allows me the freedom to act how I choose, without much regret. When your actions result in nothing, it doesn't matter what your reactions are. For me, it means the ability to be honest with people because, really, what have I got to lose?
Since everyone is pretty much pissed off with me this entire week, I'm guessing I will be spoiling myself...
What I've been trying to do for the past few months is make myself take a step back from all my initial emotional responses and then ask myself, "Does this REALLY matter to me, or affect me in any meaningful way?" I now find myself more able to deal with new stresses. For me, the main problem was anger and regret. This kind of purposeful turning down of psychic volume may seem selfish at first, but it's more about letting things move through you than trying to deny reality. If someone insults me, it doesn't faze me too much, as there are only a couple of opinions that matter to me, and being able to recognize that some schmuck is trying to get a rise out of me allows me to slide off their comments. From a long-range perspective, this also helps when looking at motives of others.
As far as esteem, I'm not sure how to explain it, but the core of it is the elimination of ego. Not only does it help alleviate the situations I mentioned in the above paragraph, but it also allows you to face your own limitations calmly. I know that I'm not going to change to course of history or be an international superstar; likewise, the actions of my life will be insignificant to the greater events forged by the sum of our work. Knowing that allows me the freedom to act how I choose, without much regret. When your actions result in nothing, it doesn't matter what your reactions are. For me, it means the ability to be honest with people because, really, what have I got to lose?
"Be Not Afraid"
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Pope John Paul II is known for saying "Be Not Afraid" at the conclusion of all his sermons. The following is a charming story about Pope John Paul II as told by Monsignor James Moroney, who was there at the time (paraphrased from his interview on CNN):
A woman and her 3-year old child approached the Pope. The woman began to speak about a charity she was representing, while the child very shy hid behind her mother's dress. While the woman spoke to the Pope, the child peeked out from behind the dress, and each time the Pope looked distracted with the woman and paid more attention to the child. At one point the Pope patted the child on the head and then returned to speak to the mother, as the child went back into hiding. Finally, and obviously distracted by the child, the Pope clasped the woman's hand and in a dismissive (but gentle) voice, concluded the conversation -- and immediately bent down on his knee in front of the child, who was now completely buried behind the woman's dress. The Pope pulled the dress a little away from the child's face and said, "Be Not Afraid," very kindly. The child burst forth from the fabric and flew into the Pope's arms, and was buried in his embrace for several moments.
I was told that "Be Not Afraid" appears in the Bible 365 times. I guess there is no mistaking the message!