Hands In My Pocket, Hands In My Pocket...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
I’ve been feeling a bit melancholy today for no good reason, considering New Year’s Eve is in a couple of days and I still have four full days off work. I was actually getting teary while watching a commercial. Don’t ask me why. This really means that the state of my tear ducts had nothing at all to do with what was on the screen in front of me, but you probably already figured that out, right?
So yes, apparently I am overly emotional, and possibly hormonal? I’ve decided that I needed something that was supposed to make me laugh. I had just put in my Harvey Birdman DVD on when I heard my cell phone ringing… it was a good friend that I haven’t heard from in a while. And so, we chatted and reminisced about old times and what to look forward to. I hate doing that, because I’ve taught myself to take things one day at a time… not looking too far ahead (to have ambition) but not getting too crazy about it and therefore, not becoming too disappointed... BUT I do have dreams!
Is the glass always half full? I try to look at it that way.
So yes, apparently I am overly emotional, and possibly hormonal? I’ve decided that I needed something that was supposed to make me laugh. I had just put in my Harvey Birdman DVD on when I heard my cell phone ringing… it was a good friend that I haven’t heard from in a while. And so, we chatted and reminisced about old times and what to look forward to. I hate doing that, because I’ve taught myself to take things one day at a time… not looking too far ahead (to have ambition) but not getting too crazy about it and therefore, not becoming too disappointed... BUT I do have dreams!
Is the glass always half full? I try to look at it that way.
Christmas has come and now it’s GONE!
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Thank goodness for that!!
And so, Christmas ends. Fortunately, I made it through the past couple of days without any huge fights and my b/f didn’t even storm out of his parent’s house before Christmas Eve dinner.
I’m still rather glad it’s over. The stress of Christmas shopping, the having to worry that you aren’t spending too much or too little on people, the embarrassment if they don’t like your present or if you don’t like theirs (or maybe said gift is one the party already has), and all of the materialistic bullshit that makes this holiday more trouble than it’s worth.
I’m happy to report that the caricature I had an artist do for my man went over really well… he really likes it!! It made the $1,500 price tag easier for me to swallow, in addition I bought him a Breville Health Grill and steak sauces. The grill is great for grilling steaks and veggies and can also be used for warming up sandwiches. This picture is the most I’ve ever spent in time and money… but I still think he’s worth it!
I’ve been nervous on how this caricature would turn out, and I was really disappointed when I first received the print-out… the colours were very dull – nothing like the proof I’ve been looking at on my computer screen! Luckily, the artist is a great guy and he made sure the reprint was perfect and sent it by over-night courier to my house so that I had it for Christmas!!
I’m not sure he realizes how much effort was put into it - making all references to his life in the past 3 years that we’ve been together… from changing careers, to rebuilding old cars for a hobby, to new tattoos, to almost becoming a road manager for his best friends band, to his chatting on internet forums... and I hate to admit it… the other women in his life. I placed MY NAME on a wine bottle that he’s holding so that he will always know I would always be there for him on EVERYTHING!
Please don’t take it personally if I don’t give a shit what you got for Christmas and don’t share with you what I got. Going down the list just seems like playing “Who made out better this holiday,” and why must everything be about that? Comparing yourself to those around you is only good for inciting jealousy, bitterness, and frustration, and if you say I’m wrong, you’re in denial. You know full well that when your best friend tells you they got a diamond and gold bracelet that she’s be wanting, that white gold heart charm you got doesn’t look as shiny and wonderful. We might be a society that likes to pat itself on the back for philanthropy, but in the meantime we’re all coveting all of the crap we didn’t get off of our wish list. Such priorities.
Tonight after everyone left, I settled down and I started thinking. Of course, I didn’t have an epiphany until I was on my way into the bathroom (which is a place, some say, where plenty of great thoughts originate, oddly enough), but what it boils down to is that I think 2006 should be the year where I work on being a richer person - not based on the amount of shit I accumulate, but based on how intellectually and/or emotionally stimulated I am.
Now, perhaps you’re going to ask me what the hell that means. I’m afraid I haven’t gotten much farther than that yet. I have some time to work it out, right?
Regardless of how cracked up I apparently am, I hope you all enjoyed whatever holidays you celebrated this weekend.
And so, Christmas ends. Fortunately, I made it through the past couple of days without any huge fights and my b/f didn’t even storm out of his parent’s house before Christmas Eve dinner.
I’m still rather glad it’s over. The stress of Christmas shopping, the having to worry that you aren’t spending too much or too little on people, the embarrassment if they don’t like your present or if you don’t like theirs (or maybe said gift is one the party already has), and all of the materialistic bullshit that makes this holiday more trouble than it’s worth.
I’m happy to report that the caricature I had an artist do for my man went over really well… he really likes it!! It made the $1,500 price tag easier for me to swallow, in addition I bought him a Breville Health Grill and steak sauces. The grill is great for grilling steaks and veggies and can also be used for warming up sandwiches. This picture is the most I’ve ever spent in time and money… but I still think he’s worth it!
I’ve been nervous on how this caricature would turn out, and I was really disappointed when I first received the print-out… the colours were very dull – nothing like the proof I’ve been looking at on my computer screen! Luckily, the artist is a great guy and he made sure the reprint was perfect and sent it by over-night courier to my house so that I had it for Christmas!!
I’m not sure he realizes how much effort was put into it - making all references to his life in the past 3 years that we’ve been together… from changing careers, to rebuilding old cars for a hobby, to new tattoos, to almost becoming a road manager for his best friends band, to his chatting on internet forums... and I hate to admit it… the other women in his life. I placed MY NAME on a wine bottle that he’s holding so that he will always know I would always be there for him on EVERYTHING!
Please don’t take it personally if I don’t give a shit what you got for Christmas and don’t share with you what I got. Going down the list just seems like playing “Who made out better this holiday,” and why must everything be about that? Comparing yourself to those around you is only good for inciting jealousy, bitterness, and frustration, and if you say I’m wrong, you’re in denial. You know full well that when your best friend tells you they got a diamond and gold bracelet that she’s be wanting, that white gold heart charm you got doesn’t look as shiny and wonderful. We might be a society that likes to pat itself on the back for philanthropy, but in the meantime we’re all coveting all of the crap we didn’t get off of our wish list. Such priorities.
Tonight after everyone left, I settled down and I started thinking. Of course, I didn’t have an epiphany until I was on my way into the bathroom (which is a place, some say, where plenty of great thoughts originate, oddly enough), but what it boils down to is that I think 2006 should be the year where I work on being a richer person - not based on the amount of shit I accumulate, but based on how intellectually and/or emotionally stimulated I am.
Now, perhaps you’re going to ask me what the hell that means. I’m afraid I haven’t gotten much farther than that yet. I have some time to work it out, right?
Regardless of how cracked up I apparently am, I hope you all enjoyed whatever holidays you celebrated this weekend.
Where's Christmas?
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
To say that I am not in the Christmas spirit would be an understatement. I just can’t get into the swing of things anymore. The older I get, the more fond of the phrase “Bah, humbug!” I become.
It wasn’t always this way. As a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday…as with most kids. I was opening presents. I was playing with my Cookie Monster slippers. I was holding my Miss Piggy puppet in a death grip.
I was a sucker for everything Christmas involved as a kid. I loved to decorate the tree, to go see Santa at the mall, to watch Rudolph and Frosty and all the other Christmas specials on TV every year. We left milk and cookies out for Santa and Rudolph, and once, we got a letter back from the big guy.
When you get older and find out Santa isn’t real, Christmas loses some of that magic. Instead of wondering if he’s going to come through for you on Christmas morning, you make do sneaking around closets and hiding spots looking for the gifts your parents got you. No longer having to wait for a fictional fat guy also allows the family to open all of their presents on Christmas Eve, leaving not much else for the big day. Still, Christmas was fun in that we usually spent it with the entire family.
I try to find the same things I loved about Christmas years ago now, but it just doesn’t work. I had no interest in putting the tree up this year, and decorating with my Dickens Village half-heartedly. With only a few days to spare, I’m taking a shopping day off from work tomorrow to finish up with last minute gifts. I’m hoping that things won’t wind up like they did last year… that’s another story!
Maybe you’ll tell me that there’s more to Christmas than gifts and Santa and the commercialism. But I have a hard time mustering up any excitement for a day that has become just like any other, save for the hype, the stress, and the reminder of the people that aren’t here anymore.
And even though it might seem otherwise, I kind of wish Santa was out there, working his magic. I want a holly, jolly Christmas, too.
It wasn’t always this way. As a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday…as with most kids. I was opening presents. I was playing with my Cookie Monster slippers. I was holding my Miss Piggy puppet in a death grip.
I was a sucker for everything Christmas involved as a kid. I loved to decorate the tree, to go see Santa at the mall, to watch Rudolph and Frosty and all the other Christmas specials on TV every year. We left milk and cookies out for Santa and Rudolph, and once, we got a letter back from the big guy.
When you get older and find out Santa isn’t real, Christmas loses some of that magic. Instead of wondering if he’s going to come through for you on Christmas morning, you make do sneaking around closets and hiding spots looking for the gifts your parents got you. No longer having to wait for a fictional fat guy also allows the family to open all of their presents on Christmas Eve, leaving not much else for the big day. Still, Christmas was fun in that we usually spent it with the entire family.
I try to find the same things I loved about Christmas years ago now, but it just doesn’t work. I had no interest in putting the tree up this year, and decorating with my Dickens Village half-heartedly. With only a few days to spare, I’m taking a shopping day off from work tomorrow to finish up with last minute gifts. I’m hoping that things won’t wind up like they did last year… that’s another story!
Maybe you’ll tell me that there’s more to Christmas than gifts and Santa and the commercialism. But I have a hard time mustering up any excitement for a day that has become just like any other, save for the hype, the stress, and the reminder of the people that aren’t here anymore.
And even though it might seem otherwise, I kind of wish Santa was out there, working his magic. I want a holly, jolly Christmas, too.
I Don't Know
Monday, December 05, 2005
I don’t know how many of you still read this. Some of you might feel weird. Some of you might be bored of it. Some of you might not give a shit either way.
I’d like to think that people give a shit. Maybe not those of you who don’t know me personally, but hopefully those of you who do. Those of you who may or may not realize that last year was full of changes personally for me and this year has … well we shall see.
But anyway…
Read on or don’t. No one is forcing you.
How many times do you start to write something, only to pause, hold the backspace key down, and stare at a newly empty screen?
I don’t always follow through. I haven’t kept up writing anything continually since the few years I kept a journal when I was ten.
I’ve kept up this weblog since last November. But before that, I would get the urge to write and jot things down in a notebook. I have a few notebooks. None of them are full. They all hold drips and drabs of my thoughts. I still jot down my feelings but usually never have the guts to say them… and when I do , it just comes out all wrong and I end up looking like a fool!
I graduated from University and said I wanted to be in research however, I didn’t want to work as a scrub in some small newspaper department. So I took an office job. Much better than working at a department store, but not what I went to University for.
I quit the department store and said “Great, now I’m only working 9-5 five days a week. More time to do things. My journals still lie empty on the bookshelf.
Every nite, my eyes glaze over watching tv, or scanning the computer screen for something of interest… most times I find nothing!
Wednesday, I start at the gym once again… it’s the thing I found that keeps my mind and body healthy.
I’d like to think that people give a shit. Maybe not those of you who don’t know me personally, but hopefully those of you who do. Those of you who may or may not realize that last year was full of changes personally for me and this year has … well we shall see.
But anyway…
Read on or don’t. No one is forcing you.
How many times do you start to write something, only to pause, hold the backspace key down, and stare at a newly empty screen?
I don’t always follow through. I haven’t kept up writing anything continually since the few years I kept a journal when I was ten.
I’ve kept up this weblog since last November. But before that, I would get the urge to write and jot things down in a notebook. I have a few notebooks. None of them are full. They all hold drips and drabs of my thoughts. I still jot down my feelings but usually never have the guts to say them… and when I do , it just comes out all wrong and I end up looking like a fool!
I graduated from University and said I wanted to be in research however, I didn’t want to work as a scrub in some small newspaper department. So I took an office job. Much better than working at a department store, but not what I went to University for.
I quit the department store and said “Great, now I’m only working 9-5 five days a week. More time to do things. My journals still lie empty on the bookshelf.
Every nite, my eyes glaze over watching tv, or scanning the computer screen for something of interest… most times I find nothing!
Wednesday, I start at the gym once again… it’s the thing I found that keeps my mind and body healthy.
Addendum: I did find a website worth the time: Carpe Noctum, if you're into the mafia and conspiracy theories thing!