Hey, we're Italian... if it aint bolted to the table... it's up for grabs!!
Anyone wanna get drunk with me?? Anyone wanna go away with me?? No? I didn't think so.
Trying to bring them together... slowly, without destroying them... because that would destroy him - it would destroy us! And I don't want that to happen!!But at times, it seems like an impossible task when knowing that I don't even exist in the other worlds... how can I bring them together?? The more I think about it... the more hurt I feel.
But, I'm NOT giving up!! I love him too much to give up!
I AM MARIA CRISTINA... and I DO EXIST!
At my worst, I can be:
* When angry I silently seethe until prodded to boil over, and once provoked I am quick to anger;
* Critical;
* Unyielding;
* Picky;
* Evasive;
* STUBBORN!
At my best, I am:
* Passionate;
* Understanding;
* Reliable;
* Always a Friend!
I am also:
* Afraid of failure;
* Afraid of abandonment;
* Afraid of boredom;
* Afraid of humiliation;
* Afraid of making the wrong decision;
* Afraid of not doing the right thing by those I care about and love;
* Afraid of losing those I care about and love;
* Afraid of losing my identity;
* Afraid of ending up on life support.
My dark past (things I did, and moments that affect who I am today) include:
* Being afraid of relationships... but willing to try.
* Lashing out with rage, releasing my anger by throwing whatever object is at hand.
* Partying until I could no longer remember.
* Stayed in a 5+ year relationship when I was in my 20's because I was manipulated into staying with him, and I was blind to the fact that he could never stimulate my mind. And because of him, I learned that without ambition, a goal is empty. All the bruises were mental as well as physical. For too long I let him shape who I was mentally and physically, nearly stripping me of my self, thus creating one of my fears.
* Getting too involved in a friends criminal past... that it almost turned me into one.
* Killing a part of me - now I am only half.
* There is more... maybe next time...
My oddities are:
* Self-doubt and negative image of self at times, which I strive to hide.
* Tendency to compare myself to other women in a group and take note of where I think I am lacking.
* I can hold a grudge for years.
* I have a difficult time forgiving and forgetting - But when I do, it is with complete conviction.
* I refuse to apologize if I do not mean it. EVER.
* I over analyze at times and am particular about proper use of words, even though I am far from perfect.
* I sometimes wallow in my own darkness, letting my muse take me down dark paths that materializes in images and words. Sadly, most of the time, these bits of art are burned ceremoniously, only to be reborn like a Phoenix into some new bit of writing.
I rarely admit that:
* I am a sensuous being, and not afraid to try most anything at least once - you never know until you try.
* ‘Adult boutiques’ are not places one should have to sneak in an out of.
* I have a penchant for corsets.
* I am a wicked flirt, just not obvious about it most of the time.
* I love sex... a lot!
* My mind floats merrily in the sewer sometimes.
* Don’t be surprised by a giggle or thinly veiled smirk at something innocuous you have said.
Other Bits of Note:
* I will gladly answer any question you ask of me, it just may not be the answer you wish for and I will not volunteer.
* I will always answer to the best of my knowledge.
* Although I won’t sugar coat it, I might soften what I say sometimes.
* I have a notebook littered with words and names that capture my fancy.
* Writing is necessary to my sanity.
* When my muse speaks, I MUST answer.
* I am loyal to a fault!
* Do not threaten or get between my family and I - your chances would be better tangling with an injured dragon.
* Books are a weakness – which I have abandoned for a few years – but now I have regained. I count my library among my treasures.
* Automobiles fascinate me and can spend hours at a show.
* Although I could enjoy hours lulled by glistening waves and glittering sand, my soul finds peace in the grassy rolling hills among majestic trees.
In the end…
* I offer you my support and my understanding.
* I offer you my sworn oath.
* To be your herald, your guide, your jester and your champion!
* I swear to give you the benefit of the doubt and to meet you halfway.
* I shall give you my friendship, my honesty and my love.
* I shall be your confidante and advisor whenever you have need.
* I shall give you all I have to offer, all I ask is that you accept me for what I am and betray not my trust.
* For the true wonders of the ages are self-realization, trust, friendship and love.